I did something for myself today instead of rushing between stores, checking off items in my to-do list within that short 45 minute window, I went for a walk. After a week of self-imposed quarantine, it was both invigorating and liberating. And what a glorious day it was, perfect for a walk along the golf course and the Coal Creek stream.
This bridge is like an old friend, willing to transport me over to the other side where the grass sways to the brazen notes of the breeze and the insects take turns to scare me off their territory. A warm shade of gold awaits me and for once, I am not sad that the only sign of a previous abundance of wildflowers is dry seed heads. It is the cycle of life.
I know this trail so well that I can tell you where the Mexican hats flowered two years ago and where they flowered this year. I can tell you about the gorgeous white wild poppy that had me mesmerized and where it grew. How the tall Canadian thistle heads did their best to dominate this Open Space with their bright pink color. Yes, I know this trail well.
Conversations, old and new, irrelevant and inconsequential, started tumbling out from the trivia stores of my brain. Brown, it's all so very brown here. Yes, we are not quite in the desert but this is a semi-arid zone. When it rains, we rejoice and we get the best snow in the country. That's not brown, it's a shimmering gold. Land of snakes. What will you do if a bullsnake or a rattler decided to put in an appearance, say, right now. I will step back and move away slowly and when it's safe, I will run for my life in the other direction.
It doesn't matter what anyone says, I love it here. I honestly love it here. I love the changing seasons. I love that I can be outdoors without fearing the cold because the sun comes out to warm me. I love the blue skies and I love the sun.
It's looking at me. The sun is looking at me, Mumma! I know. And I understand. Today more than ever before because right now I am looking into the corona of the sun - it's that bright. I am blinded but my camera is still able to function. And I knew what she meant nine years ago, too. Close your eyes and it won't look at you anymore. I wish I could but I have to keep looking because, you see, I am lost and even though I told your father that I just drove past the green church that is by the huge sports field, he doesn't know where I am nor can he tell me where I should go. What is the point? I don't have a map but he does, right in front of his eyes. Dammit, tell me which turn to take. Tell me where to go. And, watch the road for me because I can't see a thing and remember that I have our child with me. Just like right now.
Suddenly, I can see again and the tumultous thoughts dissipated as quickly as they had arisen. My old friend, the bridge, was waiting faithfully to take me back to my life.
I must learn to be like this bridge, to help her go where she wants to go. I hope I have the courage and wisdom to fold up and let her walk on. Right now, all I want to do is hold her close to me and tell her that she is safe. That we are both safe.
I walked over the bridge, jumping on every loose board, enjoying the noise and then I ran all the way back till I was out of breath but incredibly free.
There was only one thought that persisted: I am grateful for today.