Daddy, what if...

Daddy, what if your plane crashes and you die? she asked him just as he was leaving.

Traditionally, this is considered very ashubh. She would have been chastised and it would have been impressed upon her never to ask such questions again, her fears given no consideration.

These are real fears. Address them.

We did. She felt somewhat relieved. Her mood changed radically when she saw the light change outside. We grabbed our cameras and rushed to take pictures and watched the colorful display disappear in less than few minutes. We came back indoors marveling at the beauty of nature, all her fears forgotten.
A Colorado sunset, November 18, 2007

Just two places to set for dinner. We miss him but we know he'll be back soon.

24 comments:

Anita said...

For children, parents are their whole world - and rightly so. They are fortunate who have parents around. Those with children are blessed too :D !

You two, have some good girl time meanwhile.

Anita said...

...and, what a glorious sunset! :D

Sanjana said...

Hi I am new to your blog and enjoying the posts. It feels bad that you are feeling so low..Hey but have a good time with your daughter and BTW i love the pic!!

Ashwini said...

Manisha enjoy girls nights in with Medha. I am sure hubby will be back before you know it. Jigsaw puzzles work like magic too :-)

Meera said...

You guys handled you little one's fears so wonderfully. -rather than chiding her to stay hush in the name of omens, it's good to discuss and assure. I always learn something good here at IFR.

Siri said...

Awesome pic Manisha.

Linda said...

Aw, I feel for you there Ashwini. When the little ones ask the most poignant questions, so innocently it nearly breaks your heart. She's got lovely parents, that little one of yours! :)

Lovely sunset there, too!

Nags said...

that's such a lovely way of dealing with questions.

and the pic is breathtaking!

Linda said...

ACK. I know you. You're *Manisha*!!!

I'm sorry about that! I think I'd better go to bed while I still have my own name straight :)

Musings from Myopia, AKA John said...

Manisha, I don't have kids, but I think you captured it perfectly.

Forgive me, but I have been tagged with a meme and I quite randomly tagged you. Being somewhat less than enthusiastic about memes in general, I will completely understand if you ignore my request to follow up on my tag. But, since this has the potential of being at least moderately fun, I hope you'll consider it.

Kitt said...

Awesome sunset for putting fears to rest!

I made Mom come out and look at the same sky last night as I finished uprooting the raspberries.

Are you ready for snow?

Pelicano said...

So young to think of mortality, but that's Medha isn't it? I'm sure you and D handled it well, as the three of you were able to enjoy such a beautiful sky together!

Kind of Kafkaesque this post, and you said so much in very few words! Despite the touch of gloom, I'm impressed.

Padmaja said...

hey manisha amazing picture, true n beautiful meaning to that evening sunset!! and hey hey do not worry, he will be back in no time!!
I find being with friends n noel helps me not count how many days more?? please do try to watch movies or invite friends over, time will fly!!!

Happy cook said...

Wonderful picture.
I too think it is better to address their fears than getting angry with them for asking questions....
Yeah when my hubby is out of th country daughter and I miss him terribly. But then i do something special with her.

Raaga said...

nice post, beautiful pic... :) I agree... ashubh or otherwise... it is best that we address the fears of children.

Seema said...

Yes it was very nice of u to talk to your child & tell her not to worry...plus distracting her was a perfect solution! Diverting her mind from something scary to something so sweet & worth of thousand looks.. that beautiful sunset! It was great!

Kribha said...

Manisha dear,
I used to feel the same way too when my hubby left me once all alone here and went to India b'coz of his urgent office work. I was scared to stay alone and I did not have any friends at that time as it was just a week since we moved there. One full month in the day time I would go for window shopping, library and all that. When the evening comes I would close all the other doors and sleep only in the living room with the TV on. Oh....it was sooo tough.
Anyway, You are in a better position dear. You have a cutie to entertain you. It was so beautiful the way you handled her fears. Don't worry dear. Time will fly. Your hubby will be home safe and sound in no- time.

musical said...

Manisha, its very touching and makes me really glad that you could talk her fears out! I agree with Anita, parents mean the world! And you rock as parents, i must say!

You both have a wonderful and warm time time together, meanwhile :).

Sandeepa(Bong Mom's CookBook/DesiMomzClub) said...

I know you can really handle it well and you pretty much must be doing it .
But I myself am so tense when the hubby travels, which is very frequent, that if my daughter asks such questions I need to be ready with a good answer. care to discuss what can be said ?

sagari said...

beautiful evening

Shilpa said...

Manisha, you guys are just awesome. I understand Medha's fears & most of the parents would have hushed her or even scolded the child in the name of omen. I loved the way you handled it. I am seriously thinking of taking a class from you when I have my own kids.

sunita said...

Medha is one lucky girl :-)

Manisha said...

Medha and I are actually having a very good time! We play rummy or backgammon and she beats me at both most of the time!

I'm also glad you enjoyed the sunset as much as we did!

Sanjana, welcome to IFR!

Ashwini, we may catch a movie tonight!

Meera, children have a lot of fears and insecurities. It's always a good thing to hug them and help them with it than let superstition take precedence. :-)

Linda, I don't mind. And more so if you think that Food for Thought is also penned by me!

John, I think I have been tagged for that meme by someone else, too! I'll probably get to it soon enough!

Kitt, it was an awesome sunset wasn't it?!

It's the cold that getting me more than the thought of snow. I'm hoping the snow will dissipate into nothing. 77F yesterday and in the 30s today. Brrrr!


Pel, gosh! That's quite a compliment! And Medha has always had questions about mortality and it started with questions about her grandparents - she's only known her father's parents. We've seen death at fairly close quarters in the last couple of years and that has built up a fair amount of insecurities.

Sandeepa, it depends on the maturity of the child. Our answers have changed over the years based on how much she understands and of course, her questions. When she first asked us if we would die, we told her that it happens to everyone and that we, too, would die. She would, too. At the same time, we made it a point to emphasize that she will always be taken care of. That, no matter what, she will still have a home and someone who will care for her. Loss of a parent spells a great deal of insecurity.

It depends on how old your daughter is and how much she can handle emotionally. We've always been able to rationalize with Medha, whatever the context of the discussion. We try to identify her fears and reassure her on that front. We do not give her unequivocal guarantees about things that we do not or cannot control. If you address it at a level that your child can relate to, and build on it as she grows, you and she will both be fine.

Linda said...

Thank you thank you! It took me this long to slink back here red-faced to be sure you're still speaking to me, Manisha :)

Hope you had a lovely Thanksgiving!