Comments on Indian Food Rocks: Time to let go

I can related to so many emotions here. And yes so...

2012-01-02T00:55:58.831-07:00

I can related to so many emotions here. And yes sometimes I have let go of my rage just in respect of the elder person in question and then the rage comes back every few months or years. Letting go is so important. But that is the only way to move on. This simple recipe sounds really nice. I love cluster beans but not so much of a fan of pumpkin. May be together would change that?!

That sounds very tough. I hope that one day you wi...

2011-12-13T15:41:32.716-07:00

That sounds very tough. I hope that one day you will be able to truly let go. We can't change the past and all.

Shu-Huei, thanks! Its simplicity makes i...

2011-12-12T17:36:48.943-07:00
Shu-Huei, thanks! Its simplicity makes it a winner for me!

GB, it's been a long time but some things take their own sweet time to resolve. I believe that most of the customs are really there to help those left behind but that message seems to have been lost somewhere along the way.

Mythili, your sister is awesome. We don't subscribe to the view that a son is better than a daughter or that a daughter can be a son, because both place a premium on the boy-child. I'm really sorry that you, too, had to deal with anger along with all the anguish of losing a parent. I hope you can come to terms with it and let go. Many hugs to you!

Leslie, the Libran charm has got to hold for something! Also, your lips curl down at the sides when you smile, as do mine. ;-)

Miri, I think the intentions were to help the grieving through prayers and chanting. If only it were still like that.

Aparna, it's a very common combination in Maharashtra. The sweetness of the pumpkin helps balance some of the bitter undertones of the beans.

I agree with you about closure but I think we don't need the added burden of fear. I've never understood how feeding fat undeserving strangers would help anyone find peace.

Anjali, bhoplyachi bhaji for me, kheer for you. I understand that it's meant to bring people together at a difficult time but we really didn't need so many people in our apartment at that time. The clean up thereafter is physically exhausting, too.

Shammi, I'm glad that both you and your brother were able to come to terms with it. I would have been angry, too. It's fear, no? So we toe the line. There are very few priests that I have respect for.

Sra, I hear you. I guess the good time was the opposite of the bad time that we were subject to. I wish I had had the courage to be like your mom's cousin.

Marla, thanks! The pumpkin adds color and sweetness to the dish!

Anita, they do change which is why they are what they are now, morphed from what they were meant to be.

Try being the woman who brings about the change or tries to do different. :-(

Barbara, I'd feed horses without second thoughts! :-D Have you heard of guar gum? Apparently, it is made from these beans!

BM, thank you! And back at you!

Hugs Manisha, loads of tight warm ones

2011-12-11T14:28:34.531-07:00
Hugs Manisha, loads of tight warm ones

Grrr - religious rules - infuriating sometimes. A...

2011-12-11T14:02:04.701-07:00
Grrr - religious rules - infuriating sometimes. At first I thought the Brahmins were horses. I think I'm thinking of a kid's story about a donkey.

I have never heard of cluster beans. They look like what we call green beans maybe?

Traditions change. My FIL performed all the ritua...

2011-12-11T03:18:53.834-07:00
Traditions change. My FIL performed all the rituals for my MIL himself, with no help from a priest. My MIL did not wish for them but he needed that closure I think. Then, all of us, her grandson included made a trip to Pushkar to immerse her ashes into the lake which had also received her mother's. We all felt happy that day, as if she had gone to another place where she would be loved.

Recently when my young friend passed away, her daughter was there at the cremation as were so many of us.

I could really feel you letting go as you broke the beans- bit by bit... Peace and joy to you.

I spotted some cluster beans in the marker the other day so I might just make this. Else, remind me when it is summer! [Not that it feels much like winter right now - unusually warm, yes.]

Looks wonderful & I love that you added pumpki...

2011-12-10T08:28:13.070-07:00
Looks wonderful & I love that you added pumpkin :)

Good that you found a way to let go. When my mater...

2011-12-10T06:00:34.508-07:00
Good that you found a way to let go. When my maternal grandmom died, someone said it was a good day/time and believe me, it was no comfort - my mother was so bewildered she asked how there could be a good day for death, loss.

About 25 years ago my mother's cousin cremated her dad despite murmurs. My maternal grandparents didn't believe in post-death rituals and we didn't do any for them, though we did immerse their ashes in the Krishna.

That first photo is really vibrant.

My 11-year-old baby brother, who had an inflammati...

2011-12-10T03:55:00.741-07:00
My 11-year-old baby brother, who had an inflammation in his ribs and could not even breathe without pain, was forced by the priests to walk in floods of dirty water (it was the monsoon season in Madras - end-October) to the cremation ground because they insisted that only the son should light the pyre or my dad's soul would not be at peace. I was furious (and 16) - I said I was the oldest so I should be the one, or one of my uncles could do it - but noooo... it had to be my ill, grief-stricken, frightened little brother. It was SO hard to let that go. I couldnt forgive or forget until my brother finally talked about the experience (15 years later!) that I managed to achieve some amount of peace.

2011-12-09T21:52:33.575-07:00
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It takes a lot to let go and you final did it. The...

2011-12-09T21:29:19.157-07:00
It takes a lot to let go and you final did it. There are certain things that go on that feeding the world after the 12 day plate which we find so difficult to make on a regular day. I shared the same feelings about the Rice kheer, just hated it so much. Worst part of the ceremony is, we have to invite people to be part of it! Ofcourse our loved ones come to support us but the others still wait for the invite. It is torture for the person in grief.

Never ever cooked pumpkin and cluster beans togeth...

2011-12-09T21:08:15.176-07:00
Never ever cooked pumpkin and cluster beans together. Should try this one.

Manisha, I feel the same way about many of the ceremonies we have. Some of these are no longer relevant and are meaningless, socially or otherwise, while many do have relevance, still. They're a form of closure which is very necessary for the people who are left behind.
But I cannot stand the level of commercialisation that has crept in.

In my parents case, we had a similar dilemma as we have no brothers who have the "authority" to perform these rituals.
Soon it will be time to perform my mother's first death anniversary rituals.
I have come to terms with it like this. Would my mother want us to do this, even though we might not believe in it all? Yes, she would. So we will do it for her because she would have wished it. That's all, and that's closure for me.

I'm happy that you have found yours, Manisha.

We lost my mom when I was 5 and my brother was 12....

2011-12-09T20:40:21.151-07:00
We lost my mom when I was 5 and my brother was 12. I barely have any memories, but it must have been so difficult for you and your sister. Luckily my grandfather was a rationalist and did not believe in rituals or traditions despite being deeply spiritual and translating the Tamil saints literature to English. We didn't have any of the ceremonies which involved feeding hordes of people- the first time I saw this was when my FIL died and was quite shocked at how publicly one's grief had to be combatted when it should be such a private affair.
I have inherited my grand dads and dads healthy disrespect for illogical traditions and as you rightly said, unless in deference to someone's feelings, usually tend to do what' feels right rather than whats expected .
Kudos for being able to let go Manisha, it takes a lot of fortitude and maturity. And that bhaji takes a lot of love and a touch of fresh veggies :-)

That's tough. We are a lot alike. I could fe...

2011-12-09T20:35:39.046-07:00
That's tough. We are a lot alike. I could feel your righteousness and your right-ness throughout this piece. And yes, delicious.

my youngest sister cremated our dad. There were no...

2011-12-09T18:27:15.216-07:00
my youngest sister cremated our dad. There were no provisions in our vedas/mantras about a girl-child doing the final rites. we just wanted to do it...and my male cousins were not willing to do his final rites just to spite us ..so my sister just did it. i think i can understand your rage. that day we went through so much rage, pain and sadness at everything - the system, the male-dominated hindu rituals..everything!!

Sorry to hear of your loss Manisha. Totally get yo...

2011-12-09T18:04:16.314-07:00
Sorry to hear of your loss Manisha. Totally get your frustration: I've never really understood the logic behind a lot of the customs that we follow either.

Hopefully the cluster bean therapy worked its magic on you--it looks wonderful.

xo,
G

this recipe looks so good. simple seasoning. gre...

2011-12-09T18:02:59.669-07:00
this recipe looks so good. simple seasoning. great color scheme.